Sharing a little marriage advice

Good Morning folks! & Happy Wednesday :)

Just wanted to share a post I was reading this morning. Married or plan to be married one day read this. Lyndsay has some really great points in her post. I think one of my favorites is "Make your home a fun place". That is so true. & needed to keep your sanity in this crazy life. I love when my husband & I just talk & laugh with/at each other. Those are the best times. Your home should be your safe haven from the world. Your stress free zone. Your one place in the world that makes sense. I have that with my husband in our home & I will do everything I can to always keep it that way.

Little corny but #truth :)

Respect

Respect: "to hold in esteem or honor" or  "to show regard or consideration for"

Awhile back I was reading one my fave blogs & she referenced this post. (whether you're married or not read his post)
Like every other woman on the planet my first thought was HUH?! to the title - "Your Husband Doesn't Have to Earn Your Respect." Uhhhh Q ME yes He does! - My second thought.
I was raised in a Christian home. I am a Christian now. Growing up I always heard the man is the head of the household. He's the leader and the wife submits to him. I don't know about y'all but I don't swallow that word "submit" very well. It bugs me. Because I'm a WOMAN! A strong willed, bossy (my husband is shaking his head yes right now haha), opinionated WOMAN! Those characteristics do not necessarily have to be a bad thing if used in the right way. When you start running over your husband because you think you're "the boss" then there is a problem. I would like to think I have come a long way in the last year & couple months of our marriage. I had to learn the hard way you can't talk down to your husband to get what you want. Some men just roll over an take it. Which is wrong on their part also. The Bible talks about respecting your spouse & the man being the head of the household in Ephesians 5:21-33.

This has been a challenge for me. & I know this is a challenge for my generation especially. Its all about independent women, "I don't need a man!", "Ain't no man gonna walk all over me!". You can't bring that superior attitude into your marriage. Of course I am all for men respecting women. But you gotta give respect to get it also.

"It is a fatal problem, because the one thing that is consistently withheld from men and husbands — respect — is the one thing we need the most.Yes, need. We need respect, and that need is so deeply ingrained that a marriage cannot possibly survive if the man is deprived of it. Often, people will say that a husband should only be respected if he “earns” it. This attitude is precisely the problem. A wife ought to respect her husband because he is her husband, just as he ought to love and honor her because she is his wife. Your husband might “deserve” it when you mock him, berate him, belittle him, and nag him, but you don’t marry someone in order to give them what they deserve. In marriage, you give them what you’ve promised them, even when they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain." - Matt Walsh

OUCH! "you give them what you've promised them, even when they aren't holding up their end of the bargain" That doesn't sit well. But its the truth. You give your spouse the love & respect you promised them even when its not at all what you're feeling at that moment.

The hubs & I were out to eat for lunch the other day when I noticed he was looking out the window. I asked him what he was looking at. And he said "poor guy, its obvious his wife runs the roost". The guy did look pretty "downtrodden" if you will.  Pretty much he looked like he was miserable. I can't say for sure what their situation was. But thats a pretty spot on example of what a disrespect can do to a marriage. Men thrive on respect. They need it to survive. This is how they're made.

"12. Respect him.When you do find a keeper, respect him. Make sure he knows how awesome and manly and amazing he is. Say it to his face and in front of his friends. Never criticize him, especially not in front of other people. Make him feel capable -- because he is. Let him know how happy he makes you. For men, there's nothing more life-giving than respect." -Therese Schwenkler

I am not perfect at respecting my husband by any means. I still have a long way to go in marriage in general. 
But I want to respect my husband. I want him to be the head of the household and take the lead. God did not make the woman to be the leader. But he didn't make women to be walked all over either. There has to be a happy medium. Give your husband love & respect & you will get the same in return.

I usually steer clear of controversial topics like this but hey its my blog. If you don't like it boo hoo. :)

What are your thoughts on this issue?

Marriage Advice

The other night I was glancing through my husband/marriage journal. I started this journal right before I got married I wanted to right down any marriage advice, prayers & blessings for my husband, bible verses/devotions on marriage etc. I was reading all of the advice I received from ladies at my bridal shower. We did a thing where everyone took a note card and wrote down their advice for me to read later. There was some pretty good stuff to read so I thought I'd share. :)

-Laugh a lot. Keep fights clean, no name calling. 

-Learn to compromise, not argue. 

-Always leave with a hug & a kiss. 

-Learn not to always say what you think. 

-Have patience. Be forgiving. Sometimes you need to keep your comments to yourself. 

-Always be open & honest. Talk about everything. 

-Be slow to anger & quick to forgive. 

-Marriage is what you make it. 

-Learn to give & take.

-Always keep your husband first. If you keep him first & spoil him you will notice you get spoiled even more in return. 

-Learn to laugh in the middle of a stupid fight. 

-Enjoy the little things in life & your small times together. 

-When your Papa & I got married he was told always kiss her goodbye when you go & when you get home & always good night. Be happy & have some grand youngins. & most important keep God in your life. 

(This one was from my Mema. When I read this one it honestly hurt my heart A LOT. Because my Papa holds a special place in my heart. I have always been his "little girl" as he calls me. This one struck a chord with me because my Papa is not in the best of health. He's not in the worst but definitely not the best. & I have no intentions of having kids anytime soon. As I have mentioned before. Not to be morbid or doom & gloom I just don't know if he will actually get to see my kids one day. Honestly it made me cry & I felt really selfish. I was blessed to have my great grandparents in my life when I was a child. My kids may not have that & that makes me really sad. & selfish for possibly denying my Papa the joy of meeting my children one day. But then again I can't just start having babies for that reason. When I'm not ready. All I know is its in Gods timing. & it will happen like He wants it to happen. He's always got a plan.)

-Don't hit your hubby first thing when he gets home with problems or to do's. Give him time to come home, relax & enjoy coming home. Our homes should be a haven from the outside world.

(That is one of my favorites "our homes should be a haven from the outside world." A husband & wife should both strive to make their house a home. Somewhere away from the world they feel safe & relaxed. Somewhere where they're loved. That they can be theirselves & not worry about anything else. That's what I want my home to be.)

-Maintain good communication & a positive attitude. 

-Marriage is not 50/50. It's 100/100. You both have to give your all. Forget "me". It's now "us". 

-Pick your battles. Think before you speak. 

-Always put God first in everything. 

-"Every good & perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like the shifting shadows." James 1:17. Always remember that our God is the giver of good gifts. I am so thankful He gave you to all of us. 

(This one makes me smile. My mom in law wrote this one. I thank God everyday for Andrew & his family. I have in laws who do not feel like in laws. I feel like I've always been a part of the family. That is a blessing in itself. Not many people can say that. Now when I hear that verse I always think of my mom in law. :)

-Do not go to bed angry. 

(I got this one multiple times. It's a biggy!)

-Never let a day go by without settling arguments. 

-Do little things for each other. 

-Become a life long student of becoming a better wife. Not trying to make him a better husband. 

(Ouch! That ones a kick in the tail. How many of us wives try to pick out all the things wrong with our husband? But don't look at our own flaws?.....)

-Give 100% & expect nothing in return. You both will be blessed in this. 

I can say I have followed some of these in my whole 10 months of married life. But most things I have a longgggggg way to go on. I love my husband. I'm so thankful God blessed me with him. I hope I can strive everyday to be the best wife for him. & when I screw up (cause Lord knows I do!) I want to learn from my mistakes & keep on moving forward. 

What's some marriage advice you have received? 

Children?............

Having kids has been on my mind lately..... Well I should say just wondering when I will actually have the desire to have children. I look at all the cute babies on social media, yes I "Ooo & Ahhh" over them. But I am in no way shape or form ready for a child. (& I'm kinda scared to be even writing this post because what if I was to become prego in the near future.... ya know cause God has a sense of humor like that sometimes)  Of course I want to have kids one day... but I just feel like I'm never going to actually get to that point where I am ready? Does that make sense?....

Andrew & I were talking about having kids recently (JUST TALKING.... not like talking "hey lets have a baby" talking) and I told him it pretty much just stresses me out to the max thinking about having children... Which pretty much says I am not ready for a child. I am terrified of actually having the child. I don't do pain. Or blood.... or hospitals. I hate it all. It freaks me out.... Like I can't even handle a child crying in a store. It doesn't even have to be a loud cry. I'm just like seriously someone please handle that kid right now. It makes me anxious. Seriously, just ask my mom, its happened multiple times when we are out shopping.

I've just been wondering... do you get to that point where it all just clicks? & your like hey I'm ready to have a baby!.... I feel like I am never going to get to that point... & I probably shouldn't even be thinking about all of this right now... or stressing over it. Andrew & I have only been married 9 months. But then again its already 9 MONTHS. We said we would probably start trying to have a baby at 2 years..... That is not that far off people! I think maybe that's where all this came from. Its almost already a year we've been together. THAT IS CRAZY. Time is flying by. It feels like we just got married yesterday. (but then it feels like we've been together forever... I know, I'm nuts. Don't judge)

Another thing that scares me about having a child is being a good example for him or her. I know, you're probably thinking "you're just thinking about that?". But when I think about having a kid I just think about the pain of childbirth and the no sleep thing. I hate pain & I LOVE sleep. (we've been over this...) But it really hit me recently when I was at my parents church one Sunday morning. The hubs was out of town so I went to church with them instead of our church. & because my Daddy was doing puppets for the service they were having for all of the kids. (he's a pretty awesome puppeteer, he even does the voices) The children's pastor preached that day (also the man who married Andrew & I) He was preaching about how parents are examples for their kids. Whether they want to be or not. Its sad how many parents just drop their kids off at church & don't actually go. It was kinda a slap in the face for me, like hey Ashli you really gotta get yourself together before you have a kid! I never really thought about how much your kids look up to you. How they watch your every move. They learn what kind of person to be by the kind of person you are. Of course there are always outside sources they learn from but you primarily are teaching your children who they should be. THAT IS SCARY.... Would I be a good example for my kids? Will I be... Its a lot to think about. It makes me want to work even harder to be a better person. A better wife. Friend. Believer. etc... So my children can look at me one day & be proud of who their moma is.

In all reality if Andrew & I got prego tomorrow (but really God, please don't...) I would be ok with it. I would pretty much just accept it as Gods timing. It would be meant to be. Gods timing is never on our time.

So are you a lunatic like me about having children? Does it scare you? Or how did you handle it if you've already had kids?

Or maybe just make me feel better by telling me you've had some of the same feelings! ;)

Marriage

I am not an expert on marriage at all. We are only going on a big fat 7 months of being married. But what I have learned so far is that you have to have 2 people willing to work for their marriage. It takes 100% from both sides. Its never 50/50. Marriage is really hard sometimes. But I also believe its one of the most wonderful things I will ever experience in my lifetime. Marriage is a covenant between two souls & God. At least it should be. It's not just a piece of paper.

Its really hit home for me in the past couple of months. There has been some friends of mine, who are younger than me (I'm 24) who are split up from their husbands. These girls aren't my closest friends, but still my friends. I know in today's world its pretty much the normal. My generation treats marriage as its disposable. Its not sacred anymore. It scares me because that could just as easily be me.You don't know what could happen tomorrow, next week or 10 years down the road. All I know to do is work hard for your marriage, try to be the best wife/husband you can every single day. & pray to God everyday to help you be a better version of yourself. Easier said than done I know. Hearing about people I know splitting up makes me take a step back for a second & look at my life & marriage. I hope that I'm a good wife to Andrew. I hope he knows how much I love him. How much I care about him, support him, need him, want him in my life. I try to show him these things every day. & never take him for granted.

Another thing I have learned is go into your marriage believing divorce is not an option. Andrew & I both live with this mentality. When we have a fight we don't even go near the subject of divorce. We might fight & carry on sometimes ,but we know at the end of the day we love each other, we are going to work through this. We are blessed to have his parents & mine still married. This is not the norm today. Growing up we both got to see what a strong steady Christian marriage looks like. Not saying that our parents were perfect, no one is. But we had great examples to follow. Which I feel like gives us even more of a higher standard to live by. We were taught what a marriage is supposed to look like. We have no excuses. (now obviously in some cases divorce may be necessary when there is abuse or other situations like that)

I love my Andrew. He's the best thing to ever happen to me. He may love to aggravate me, push my buttons, leave his clothes everywhere, be a stinky man! But he's mine. Forever & ever. & lets not forget he has to live with me too & my habits.. ( ya know like I'm an OCD freak an can't have anything out of place..) I wouldn't have it any other way.

The first picture we ever took together. I love this boy more than life!