Self Worth

Where do you find your self worth? How do you build up your self esteem? What makes you believe in yourself?

Self Worth : the sense of one's own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect.

Women as a whole struggle with finding their self worth. Men too, but especially women. What in your life defines your self worth or lack there of? A job? A pretty new dress? Someone elses opinion of you? How many likes you got on Instagram?

No worldy possession can define your self worth.
No other person can dictate your worth unless you allow them to.

No matter how much money you have, what designer bag is on your arm, what your career looks like..... None of that can fill the void inside of you. Except Jesus.

When your self worth is rooted in the fact that you are a child of God, you can wake up everyday with the assurance that you have purpose. You can believe in yourself. You can look in the mirror and see a beautiful person. Inside & out. Despite what the world may say.

The Bible says you are "fearfully and wonderfully made". So start believing that today. Stop looking for your self worth outside of God. When everything else fades away God will always be right there with open arms. He loves to lift up His children. To love on them. To be there for them.

Make more time for the one who created you. Who adores you. Who wants to hear your voice. Who genuinely cares about you & has your best interest at heart.

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Back to school... back to school...

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My husband would be so proud of me referencing this movie right now.

If you remember I posted this last year. Pretty crazy that it was exactly a year ago August 2013.
I am officially a college student AGAIN. Read the post to get the background story.
I am only taking 1 class this semester, just to get myself back in the groove of school. & so I don't pull my hair out trying to work full time & go to college. I am doing my class online also, which makes it so much easier I think. I started working on my assignments last night that are due Sunday. I am already way ahead of myself. When I did college classes before I always waited until the last minute to do everything. Which resulted in cramming/stress. Which resulted in bad grades. Which resulted in me flunking some classes. Andddddd 5 years later here we are.
I actually feel really motivated right now. & I am pretty proud of myself. I have been terrified to go back to school. Obviously, it took me a year to really convince myself to do this. I mentioned in my other post that I have never enjoyed school.(loathed would be the correct word) I always did just enough to get by. So this time around I am making some changes. I'm not procrastinating. I will do the best I can. I will study & make awesome grades. If it kills me, I will do it.
I may get to advance one day at my current job ,but if not I will have a degree that I can take anywhere with me. & that makes me feel pretty awesome. I am sure there are some people who will read this and think "wow do you want a gold star? you're doing what everyone else is doing or already has done." To you I say take your negativity somewhere else. Because this is a major accomplishment for me. & yes maybe I am tooting my own horn right now! Patting myself on the back! Go me! Because I have taken a chance on myself finally. I am changing my thought process on school. I am believing in myself. I am giving myself some credit.
Really I have to thank my husband for supporting me in this. Hes my best friend & his opinion is the most important to me. & he is an inspiration to me. He has been in school the past 5 years & will be done May 2015. That is a lot of school! & he has been working full time the whole time. Hes a machine I tell ya! But him being 100% supportive is what really helped push me to do this. Hes my partner in crime, my main squeeze (you get it...) so we have to be on the same page. & hes really good at math so I have an in home tutor! (whether he likes it or not haha!)
Also my parents have been really supportive of this too. Which is awesome. Because they were there in the beginning when I royally sucked at college! They're the best. :)

So are you working full time & doing classes? How do you handle it? Any tips for the newbie here?

Have a happy almost Friday :)

Some things you didn't know about me...

I saw this post by Samantha recently & thought why not! I've never done a post like this before. So here you go... Here are some things you probably didn't know about me... :)

1. I took drum & piano lessons in my preteen/early teen years. & I cannot play either! I suck at life! Haha j/k. I can sing though, hence the name of my blog ;)

2. I met my husband, got engaged & married all within a 10 month period. When you know you know!

3. I remember stupid/bad things I've said & beat myself up over them for a long time. Its a problem I am working on. #learntoforgiveyourself

4. I am a super OCD anxious stressed out control freak. But I am trying to be better.

5. I was horrible, HORRIBLE at math in school but now I work in accounts payable & really like it! Ironic.

6. I live in a small southern town in Florida. I love it & I am never moving! (unless God has other plans.... please don't! lol..)

7. If I had a chance at being some big singing star I don't know that I would actually take it. I don't think I could handle it. I love having a normal 9 to 5 life. Being home on weekends. Or just being home, in my hometown in general. Laying down beside my husband every night in our cozy bed. Seeing my family all the time. I like being just plain normal.

8. I was raised in church (literally I've been in church since I was in the womb) But I feel like, now that I am older, that I am really learning the true meaning of having faith. Not letting it be something you just do on Sundays.

9. I am addicted to Coca Cola. I don't do coffee.

10. I can be the sweetest person ever & the next minute the meanest! Just ask my husband. Maybe its a woman thing???.... I hope I am not the only one.

11. I am not a compassionate or a sympathetic person. I am pretty harsh most of the time. I guess this is a bad thing? Maybe I will naturally be more compassionate when I am a mother? Maybe?

12. On that note I am terrified of having children. This post. I have mixed emotions about having kids. Sometimes I get kinda excited thinking about Andrew & I having a little baby. But then I am scared again... LOL. I'm nuts.

13. I have a new found love for antique old rustic stuff. You can thank Pinterest for that.

14. I love to cook. Or I should say I love when I cook & it actually turns out good. It makes me happy when I make dinner & my hubs loves it. I really feel like I accomplished something then.

15. I HATE fruity candy! Give me some chocolate! Candy was made to be chocolatey!

16. I lived in NYC for 6 weeks by myself for a Musical Theater program at the New York Film Academy that I won a scholarship to through a Singing/Acting competition. It was probably the best & the scariest thing I have ever done in my life. I was super home sick. (refer to # 6 & 7) I had a blast but I found quickly I couldn't really live there forever. I was up there in the dead set of winter. This Florida girl was COLD!

17. From the time I was 4 years old until 17 I took tap, jazz, hip hop & ballet classes. But I am the clumsiest person you will ever meet! Go figure! I really wish I would've stuck with it. But I started working at 16 and really didn't have time for it anymore.

18. I don't like animals. Some dogs & kitty's are cute. But really I could do without. (don't throw stones at me please!)

19. SHOPAHOLIC. I blame my mother & my nana :)

20. I would be in heaven if I could just work in a little office by myself all day. I know to some people that sounds like torture. But I don't really like to socialize with people at work. I am content being quiet. I guess I am that weird girl at work who doesn't talk often. Oh well!

Faith

What is faith? According to Hebrews 11:1... "Faith means being sure of the things we hope for & knowing that something is real even if we do not see it." (NCV) If you're human (which I hope you are) you probably struggle with faith from time to time. Faith in Gods timing. Faith in everything working out. Just faith in general. 

I have had some stuff going on in my life lately. Some medical issues, trying to get our new place ready to move in etc. it seems like there is always something going on. Life is just busy. Aside from normal everyday stuff, full time jobs, cooking, laundry etc. Then you add the extra "stuff" and life can get pretty hectic. That is when I struggle most with my faith... I mentioned I've had some medical issues going on lately. Nothing major. It all ended up well & good. But I'd be lieing if I didn't think "what if?" at some point. I have a bad habit of letting the "what if?" thoughts creep in when I've got an issue going on in my life. I am a worrier. I over analyze every single thing. (pretty much like every other woman on the planet) But usually I snap myself out of it and say "Yeh what if?! So what! God would provide. God would take care of everything." We always think oh that will never happen to me. Whatever "that" is. But what if it did? How would you react? Would you react with faith? Or with doubt? I would hope I would react with faith. It's hard sometimes. But God promises He will always provide. He promises He will take care of us. That He has a plan for us. & He can't go back on His word. 

What area of your life, involving faith, do you struggle with most?

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"It’s actually more acceptable to insult your body than to praise it..."

How sad is that?.... But so true. Am I right? Take a second and think how many times a day you critique yourself in the mirror.... Or you think "only if I could lose this much more weight"...... "I hate the way I look today"... "if I could look like that I would be happy".... I know I am guilty of these on a daily basis. As women we are always comparing ourselves to other women. We constantly are thinking about how we look. We are more than likely bashing ourselves in our inner monologue that plays out all day.

Glamour recently did a study on women and body image. They found that 97% of women will be cruel to their bodies today. "Our research found that, on average, women have 13 negative body thoughts daily-nearly one for every waking our."...  How did this happen?! How did we become so down on ourselves? You could blame the media, Hollywood's obsession with being thin... Our society has become OBSESSED with media. TV, the movies, social media, magazines etc. & out of every media source comes the story of how this star keeps in tip top shape, how she immediately bounced back from having a baby, the next fad diet etc etc etc. Its everywhere. Body image is always right in our face. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being health conscious, exercising, healthy eating etc. We should be concerned with these things. You should always be striving to improve yourself, your lifestyle. But when it becomes an unhealthy obsession, when you are constantly critiquing yourself which turns into bashing yourself, something needs to change.

Lets start appreciating our bodies. The female body is amazing. I mean come on, we birth children! Stop yourself when you have those inner self bashing thoughts. Take care of your body. Check yourself out in the mirror and say "Dang girl you look good today!" Be confident! Just be nicer to yourself, to your body. You do not have to be a size 2 to be beautiful. You do not have to have perfect hair, perfect skin, the perfect outfit. There is no such thing as perfect! Just be yourself. Be your own kind of beautiful.

Being happy.

"Don't worry, be happy..  Oooo ooooo..."  This song reminds me of my Papaw. He had a battery powered fish that hung on the wall over his chair, that would sing this song. He would let all the grand-kids push the button to play the song. Good memories.....

The words "don't worry, be happy..." easy instructions right? But hard to actually follow. We have all read the pinterest quotes, bible verses etc... on being happy, thankful, grateful.. whatever you want to call it. Its easy to read all those quotes & verses & think "yeh thats good stuff!" ,but then forget about it 10 seconds later when we are grumbling about whatever issue is there at the present time. I am speaking to myself here too. I am probably one of the worlds worst about having a bad attitude. I usually wake up with one because I despise morning time. But I try to be positive and turn my attitude around. (most mornings) I try thank God every morning for all the good things in my life. Not just come to Him immediately with all my troubles.

Sometimes its really hard to just be generally happy/have a positive attitude when you're working an 8 to 5 job. You're doing the same thing 5 days a week, going through the motions. It can get monotonous. But you know what? You could not have a job. You could be in the hospital, sick, not able to work. There is a million other situations you could be in. I could be at the job I worked at before the one I have now. The job I absolutely hated. The job that I sat in the bathroom almost everyday and cried. The job that I got cussed out on the phone frequently. etc etc etc. But now I have been at my current job for almost a year. & I really enjoy what I do. I work with good people, for a good company and there is future here. Honestly working at a job I hated gave a lot of perspective for me. It taught me a lot. Now when I feel like I am getting a bad attitude about my job or I am having a bad week, I try to think about that job I hated. I could still be there. But thank God I am not! So I better cherish what I've got right now!

The bottom line is be happy with what you've got! Appreciate what you have now! Stop wishing for the future. We wish for time to slow down because the seasons go by too fast. Or we can't believe August is already almost over! But then we are sitting at our desk on Monday wishing it was Friday... (again I am so guilty of this) My Mom used to tell me in high school to stop wishing for it to be over, to be graduated. "You're wishing your life away Ash!", she would say. And she was right. My goal for this post is to help myself  (and you) appreciate everything I have, have a better attitude, just be happy.

Remember life is all about what you make it.

Fear of Failure

One of the biggest fears I have had in my lifetime is fear of failure. It can be any area of life. Is anyone else this way?
Recently it was discussed with my boss that I may be able to be promoted in a couple of years or so. Depending on when she retires. Awesome right?! Yes, except I am probably going to have to go back to school in the mean time to get a degree for the position. Saying that I HATE school is an understatement. I didn't like grade school at all. I mean who did? I did what I could do to get by to graduate from high school. I wasn't one of those overachieving students. I didn't want to be or care to be. I just wanted to get out. I had no clue what I wanted to do after I graduated so I just started some basic college courses. After 4 semesters, when I should've been done with my AA or at least almost, I had failed some classes and pretty much had given up. I had no motivation because I didn't know really what I was even going to college for. I've never been one of those kids who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up. So needless to say I was clueless. So I quit college. Because I hated it, flunked classes & I was wasting my parents money.

So you can see why I would be terrified of going back to school. I am older now. I'm not a 19/20 year old just floating through life not knowing what I am doing anymore. I have a purpose in going back to school. Its going to benefit me, my husband and my future children one day. (ya know if I can ever convince myself I am ready for kids one day) Also I would be making WAY more money than I do now. So that's some pretty good motivation. I think I can do it. But I'm still pretty scared of actually trying. But better to have tried and failed than not try at all right? (some important person said that, sometime in history...)

Another thing I have fear of failing at is weight loss. I mentioned in this post that my Ma & I are starting the Body-for-Life program. Eating healthier & working out. I have lost the weight before, but with a trainer. This time its just me myself & I, that I have to answer to. & my Ma. But shes not a trainer, shes not gonna "yell" at me. We have to motivate each other. & its really hard! I am feeling pretty motivated about that whole thing right now. But what about next week? Or next month? Probably not so much. But I know its going to take more than just a month to lose what I want to lose. So I've got to keep on keepin' on! I know I am really jumping ahead of myself here. But this is how my brain works. I am already worrying about "am I going to be able to keep this up for the next 2 months?" or however long.... I should just focus on today right? As I have mentioned before I am a worry wart.

Anyone else have this issue? Have you failed the task in your head before you even actually try? Thanks for reading my inner crazy ramblings! Feel free to share some of yours with me so I don't feel so crazy! Ha! :)


As usual ending with some motivational quotes!